You’re probably wondering how a
moose got stuck in my kitchen curtains.
Well, to be honest I am wondering the same thing.
Have you ever woken up and just felt that something bizarre
was going to happen? That no matter what
you did, the day was going to turn out super weird? That was the feeling I got yesterday the
instant I woke up.
I pushed my arms above my head as a
yawn forced my jaw open. Looking to my
left I saw big fluffy snowflakes touchdown on the grass below. That should have been the first warning that
it was going to be a strange day, but for some reason it didn’t seem odd that
it was snowing in the middle of July.
Maybe that has to do with the fact that I live in Alberta and snow can
fall at literally any time of the year.
I threw my
legs over the side of my bed and pushed into an upright position. I wandered down the stairs onto the first
floor of my house and figured my next step was to make coffee. I had just finished pouring the delightful,
dark, steaming coffee into my favorite mug, when I got a sudden craving for a
peanut butter and jam sandwich. I
slapped a couple of slices of bread onto a plate and removed the peanut butter
from my pantry cupboard. I next went to
remove the jam from the fridge. An
especially poignant and foul smell greeted me.
I slammed the fridge door as a return greeting. I rushed across the kitchen and opened one of
the windows to let fresh air into the kitchen.
I welcomed
in some brisk air before again opening my fridge. After searching for a moment, I found the
culprit of the wretched smell; a week-old plate of rotting fish. I snatched the plate out of the fridge and
dumped it’s contents into the garbage. I
then whisked the garbage out of the house and into the garbage can outside.
When I got
back into the house, I headed directly for my cup of coffee. And that was when I noticed the moose
sticking his head through the open kitchen window, with his tongue in my cup of
coffee.
“Hey!” I
yelled.
It spooked
the moose and he pulled back from the window, or at least he would have had his
antlers not been caught in the kitchen curtains.
“Why did you
yell?” asked the moose.
“You were
sticking your giant tongue in my coffee,” I answered.
There was a
long awkward silence.
“Did you
just talk?” I asked finally realizing I was talking to a moose.
“Yes,” said
the moose. “All moose can talk. Now will you help me get unstuck from these
curtains.”
“Yes, fine.”
I walked
forward and began untangling his antlers from my curtains. It didn’t work. His antlers were very, very stuck.
“I can’t get
them out,” I said.
“Well, then
cut the curtains off,” demanded the moose.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because
that will ruin my them.”
After much insisting and bellowing, the moose convinced me to cut the curtains off of his
antlers. It took a few more minutes, but
I finally managed to completely untangle them.
“Can I
borrow your phone?” requested the moose after he was finally free.
“I guess.” I passed him the phone.
“Could you hold it to my ear. I don’t have any hands.”
I rolled my
eyes and obliged.
“And don’t eavesdrop
on my conversation,” the moose said.
“How am I
not supposed to? I’m standing right by
you holding the phone to your ear,” I said shaking my head.
“Just don’t.”
I did my
best to not eavesdrop, and I did quite a good job if I do say so myself. It turns out that was really unfortunate for
me because the moose had been talking to his lawyer.
Apparently
the moose decided to sue me for getting his antlers stuck in my curtains. The moose stated that the whole ordeal had
given him deep emotional trauma.
I know, its
completely ridiculous. The moose stuck
his head through my window. Somehow, I
ended up loosing the case. I had to pay
a fine of two hundred dollars. I don’t
even know what a moose would spend money on.
Anyways the point is that he won the case and I had to pay up. Although I’m pretty sure the judge was
biased. He was a moose too.
So, yeah,
that was my yesterday. How was yours?
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