Day 1: Shopping For Trouble

          Costco on a Saturday is always absurdly busy, and this Saturday was no exception.  I had already been there way, way, way, too long, but I was almost finished.  All that was left was to find the meat.   

          With my shopping cart already overflowing with food and other sale items I really didn’t need, I approached the meat section.  I stepped away from my cart for five seconds, and I mean five seconds, to pick up a hunk of raw pork loin.  Five seconds was all it took for that biker looking guy, with big muscles and a ponytail, to steal my overflowing cart that had taken way, way, way, too long to overfill.  

          Sometimes it is really hard to be a good Christian fellow…so instead of slapping the guy on the back of the head with the hunk of raw pork loin in my hand, I put on my most charming smile and casually walked up to him.

          “Excuse me, Sir,” I said.

          And what did he do?  He ignored me and kept on walking.

          Praying for patience and that this man wouldn’t murder or maim me, I walked up to him again.

          “Excuse me, Sir,” I said again.

          This time he stopped and stared at me.  At least I think he did.  I couldn’t really tell because he was wearing sunglasses.

          “I think you must have accidentally taken my cart instead of yours.”  I was now sweating profusely from places I didn’t think you could sweat from.

          “It wasn’t an accident,” the man said.  He said this in such a way that I thought he might want to kill me.

          Don’t show your fear, I said to myself.  He can probably sense fear.

          I took a deep breath hoping it wouldn’t be my last, and followed after the man who was now moving towards the tills.  I ran to catch up to him, and then kept pace with him as I explained how long I had been in the store already.

          The man stopped again and I’m quite sure my heart did too----for a moment.

          “And you are just wasting more time trying to convince me to return your cart to you,” the man said.

          “Right you are,” I squeaked.  “Have a nice day.”

          I hurried away to get a new cart.

          Some things are not worth dying for.  Convincing a scary biker dude to return your shopping cart is one of them.