3 nouns, Day 4: Flamethrower, Couch, Parakeet (Part 2)

Luckily, I don’t have any friends, so moving my stuff out at such short notice was extremely difficult.  Fortunately, I managed to get my neighbor (who had to put up with Bernard and therefore wanted me out of there) to help me out.  Together we managed to move everything out and into his trailer which I was going to borrow until I could find a new place to live.  The next step was to actually find another place to live.

Apartment “shopping” did not go well at all.  I found three different apartments for three different days.  One night of wailing was all that the land lords put up with.  After that I was back to sleeping into my car. 

I’m pretty sure after the first few apartments a picture of me was sent to each and every last apartment building in the city, warning everyone to keep clear of the crazy guy with the noisy parakeet. 

Now, some people think it would be a grand adventure to sleep in some parking lot in their car.  Let me tell you it is not as fun and rosy as one might think, especially when there is a parakeet screaming in your ear the entire night.

Finally, I lost it and yelled back at Bernard.  Somehow through all the ear-piercing screeching I managed to ask Bernard what it would take to get him to calm down.  We fell silent for probably about an hour, just sitting and staring at each other.

“You can take me to the Caribbean,” Bernard eventually said.

I guffawed at the absurdity of his demand.  He wailed uncontrollably all night, complaining about my apparent rudeness.

I couldn’t take it any more.  It felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks (mostly because I hadn’t).  So, the obvious next step was to buy a flamethrower.

That night I placed the cushions from my couch across the backseat of my car.  I hoped this would remind Bernard of the days when I slept on the couch in the living room, and he would fall sound asleep.

Surprisingly, my planned worked and Bernard slept as I fake snored away.  Once I new he was in a deep sleep, I slipped out of the car.  I snatched up my flamethrower.

My next step was to tap on the window beside Bernard’s cage.  I did so and Bernard woke up.  I stood at the window as the drowsy parakeet blinked its eyes in an attempt to push away the grogginess. 

I fired up the flamethrower (pun intended).  The parakeet’s eyes almost literally popped out of their sockets.  For once Bernard had a good reason to freak out, and boy did he.

“And that is when you torched the car?”

“Yes, your honorable judge.  So, I do plead insanity.  But for the record, it wasn’t my fault.”