3 nouns, Day 7: Turnip, Hunt, Ants

            Really, Jack?” Hans said.  “Who brings a turnip on a picnic?”

            “I do,” responded Jack.  “It tastes good on sandwiches.”

            “You keep that abomination away from my sandwiches.”

            The two continued arguing while Hans girlfriend, Charlotte, rolled her eyes.

           

            “Sir.”

            “What is it, Ant Charles?  What is your scouting report?”

            “General Ant Murphy, I scouted the closest picnic table and sighted a picnic.”

            “What was at the picnic?”

            “There looks to be a large unwanted turnip, sir.”

            “Perfect.  Gather the hunters.”

            “Sir, yes, sir.”

            “Ugh,” said Charlotte as she flicked an ant off of her leg, “we must be sitting near an anthill.”

            “We could move if you like,” said Hans.

            “No,” whined Jack, “I stubbed my toe and it still hurts and I don’t really want to carry all of this stuff somewhere else.”

            “Yeah, I’m sure that’s the real reason,” mumbled Hans.

            “And what is that supposed to mean?”

            “It means that you’re just annoyed because I wouldn’t try turnip on my sandwich.”

            “Of course I am.  Its a good waste of a turnip.”

            “You know what, its fine,” sighed Charlotte.  “Its just an anthill.”

            “Yeah,” smiled Jack triumphantly, “its just an anthill.”

           

            “We have an ant down, Captain Ant Alex.”

            “What happened, Ant Charles?”

            “The human female flicked him off of her leg.”

            “Its unfortunate, but he should have known better than to climb onto her.   The females are especially jumpy.  Alright, the longer we wait the harder this hunt is going to be.  Let’s get up on that picnic table.”

            The small army of ants cheered and jumped onto one of the table legs and began climbing.  They reached the table top and slowed down.

            “What do you see, Ant Charles?” asked Captain Ant Alex.

            “The humans are looking the other way,” answered Ant Charles.  “It looks as if the human males are arguing and the female has her head in her hands.  Now is our chance.”

            “Alright my fellow ants,” yelled Captain Ant Alex, “now is our chance.  Some of us might not make it, but it is a risk me must take to feed the colony.  Who’s with me?”

            The ants cheered and rushed forward quickly but stealthily.  The turnip sat before them. 

            “Ant Carlos,” said Captain Ant Alex.

            “Yes, sir?”

            “You take your crew and lift that turnip and get it out of here as fast as you can.”

            “Yes, sir.”

            “The rest of us will be here to cause a diversion should the need arise.  Everyone understand?”

            “Yes, sir,” all of the ants stated.

            “Good then let’s move.”

            Ant Carlos’s team scurried forward and rushed around the turnip.  Acting as one, the ants lifted the turnip up onto their backs.

            “Move, move, move,” said Captain Ant Alex.

            The ants reached the edge of the table and threw the turnip over the edge.

            “It is perfectly normal for someone to put turnip on his sandwich,” said Jack.

            “It really isn’t,” huffed Hans.

            “Whatever,” pouted Jack, “I’ll just take my turnip and go home.”

            Jack turned to look for it.

            “Where is it?” he asked. 

            He turned and glared at Hans.

            “Where did you put my turnip?”

            “I didn’t put your turnip anywhere,” said Hans.  “I wouldn’t dare touch that thing.”

            “Where did you put it!?”

            “Dude, seriously, I didn’t put it anywhere.”

            “Then where is it?”

            “I don’t know,” said Hans looking around.

            That’s when he spied the ants escaping with it.

            “Its there,” said Hans pointing in the direction of the ants.

            Jack yelped and leapt from his seat.

            “One of the human males has spotted our hunters,” said Captain Ant Alex.  “Quickly, do the diversion we spoke about.”

            The ants rushed forward and climbed onto the hand of Jack as he pushed away from the picnic table.  Jack looked down as he felt the tickle of the ants racing across his hand.  Jack completely freaked out.  He hopped and danced and whipped his hand through the air trying to fling the ants off.  Somehow some of them managed to stay on and rushed up his arm.  Jack screamed and began slapping at his arm. 

            “Sir,” said Ant Charles, “the turnip has reached the colony.”

            “Good,” replied Captain Ant Alex, “call the men back.”

            Ant Charles yelled and the ants on Jack dropped off into the grass and booked it back to the colony.

            “Well done ants,” congratulated General Ant Murphy.  “Your exploits today shall forever go down in ant history and those who died to feed this colony shall not be forgotten.  Today was a very successful hunt and the food you gathered shall indeed be useful in feeding the colony”

            “You know,” said Ant Charles to another ant as the group dispersed, “its odd.”

            “What’s odd?” asked the ant.

            “That male freaked out more than the female.”

              The two ants laughed.