Indescribable

 

            I always hate it when I feel something, something that I want to describe but just can’t come up with the words.  There’s an irony in saying you can’t find the words to describe something, as in doing so you’re describing the very thing which you have said you cannot describe (this was a fun sentence).

  It’s indescribable.

            But I’m rambling because I’m trying to figure out what to say.  It’s not that I don’t know what I want to say so much as I don’t know how to.

            I want to talk about relationships.  Family and friends.  Past and present.

            But mostly present.  Those people that are continuously feeding into my life in ways they probably don’t know.  This is a shout out to you. 

            I hope you know who you are.  If you don’t, then that’s on me.  I haven’t made obvious the same love that you have lavished upon me.

            Sometimes I can get caught up in my own head.  Sometimes I create narratives in my mind that have negative effects on the way I treat people.  Sometimes I doubt your love for me.  And sometimes I just need to stop and remind myself of the blessing of you.

            This is, in part, one of those reminders.

            I don’t know if anyone else has experienced such a feeling of love in their hearts that you can feel it physically.  Like a weight in your chest.  A love that can bring tears to the eyes and hope to the soul.  I want to have that feeling more and more.  And I’ve been finding as I pursue a relationship with Christ that it has become more common.  It’s not so easy to twist love for your own devices when you’re in communion with Love itself.

            That kind of love is indescribable.  

            The love that I have for you isn’t even a sliver of a sliver in comparison to the love that God has for me and for you.  I forget that far too often.  I more easily remember His love for me, but I think that I can lose sight of the fact that His love for the ones I love is far greater than my own.  He loves them in a way I will never be able to.

            Maybe I don't know what I'm trying to say after all.  The only thing that I can really think of is; I love you more than words can contain.  I could exhaust my entire vocabulary in an attempt to let you know what you mean to me.  I wouldn't come remotely close.  And yet that isn’t even a glimpse of the love that God loves you with.

            I’ll just leave you here with the chorus from a song called “Loving My Jesus” by Casting Crowns.  This is where my heart has been at lately and continues to grow in.

Loving my Jesus

Showing my scars

Telling my story of how mercy

Can meet You where You are

And I pray the whole world hears

The cry of my heart

Is to see all the ones I love

Loving my Jesus